| Whew! |
[Sunday, May 21st, 2006
2:13pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 contemplative |
] |
| [ |
music |
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So What |
] |
Making a Valedictorian speech, it ain't easy. It's so tough, though I think my partner in crime thinks its easy. Wondering who my partner is? Who else? Give you a clue... when my friends put together our name its spelled like this: JUSTRINE. Cool, eh? Well, it's none other than, the boy's valedictorian, my friend, my classmate, and lastly my ex. I'm glad we both got it, we've been wanting to be valedictorian since forever. =) You know what's weird with the voting, someone voted Mark as a girl and we both gat the same number of votes: 16. Heh, Im glad I beated Margarit by 6. Oh yea! Now, the hard part, making a Valedictorian speech. I thought at first, How hard coud it be? I've done speeches before, this is just the same. I was so wrong. It's not, I can't think of anything to put. My Dad tried to help me, but I just think that if I wrote what he said, it's not gonna be me. My Tito and Tita said, that I only got elected for Valedictorian, because of popularity. WRONG! It's because me, and Justin are a well- respected student of this whole school. =)
Got 2 things to still worry about: CONFIRMATION & GRADUATION
Grad is gonna be nerve racking. Confirmation is next SUNDAY! Oh Joy.
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[Sunday, April 23rd, 2006
3:59pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 :[ |
] |
Let's see, I'm lying to myself completely. I sure am devastated to know that it's killing me. Does that makes sense? It does to me. Haha. Well, to clear things up, still not over it. Damn it, I thought I was, guess I wasn't ready to. I have to let go of everything, I have to make sure that he's out of my heart and my mind. If not, then there's no telling when I'll be able to start being myself. This is totally ruining me inside. I'm sometimes confusing myself. I even get my hopes up. But just seeing him smile makes me smile. Yes, I know I'm being stupid, idiotic, moronic, and totally insane to be putting up with a guy like him. Wonder what's going on in my head? I don't even know. Weird. When he asks for my help, I can't refuse even if I know he's only using me to his advantage. Meanie. I think everyone uses me in some way. They think I'm just there, that I was born to help them excel in life, help them get what they want. It's like I'm a robot, doing what tehy ask me to do. Even if I want to decline, I can't force myself to because they might not be my friends I know. I'll be alone. That's badd. It's like my mind is telling me: "It's OK for them to use you, at least you have friends," I know it sounds completely crazy, and totally inhuman, but I don't know what's gotten into me. It's like nothing's real to me anymore, like I'm not living in reality - everything is a total lie. If I would have to live in a world where everything is unreal, I would rather live in my dreams, where everything is niice. I don't want to live in some world, that's full of backstabbing, inhuman, rude, corrupt, and lying maniacs. Does everything I said makes sense? To me in makes sense, but sometimes people just don't undertand. That's why I sometimes keep so many secrets, because I know no one would understant, they can't imagine themselves in my situation. They only think that my life is good, because I get good grades, I'm friendly to people ,and people like me back. My life isn't all that good, because there's a backstabbing traitor amidst all my friends. They can't keep their opinions to themselves. They think they could just shout out whatever they feel about someone in a school bus, where apparently everyone is listening. You think that I told him that I love him because I can't let go. That was the last time I'm gonna say that I love him. I can't believe you describe it as my "UNDYING LOVE" Your such a freakin' pshycopath! After all I've been through to help you with stuff, after putting up with all your jokes about my culture and about me, and after all the things I told you - you backstabb me and blab some stuff. What a great friend I have. So niice =D Well, I'm done putting out all my anger. Siighs..Stupiid, idiotic people!
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| hmmm.. |
[Saturday, April 8th, 2006
10:59am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 happy |
] |
I'm happy... I think I've finally learned how to let go. Knowing that you don't care about me, knowing that you think of me as annoying. It's easier for me to let you go. My heart doesn't ache as much anymore, for the past couple of days, I've cope with everyhing. Now, I think I'm back to my old self. Don't I get a welcome party?!? Letting him go, it's like setting myself free, from something I tied myself too. For 3 months, I sulked, felt depressed, and felt like the world is coming to an end. But, now... I don't feel the same way, I think I can go back to my old cheery smilee self, and stop all this pretending. For 3 months, I've pretend that the old me hasn't left, that the break-up didn't bother me at all. It did until just recently, my eyes have opened, and I shouldn't be thinking of getting a boyfriend now. I don't want to be tied down now, I want to be free. Guess what that means? I'm not ready to have a boyfriend yett. Though, I did already, and at that point it seems like life was so good, it can't go badd. But guess what? It did go badd, alot of things had happen that relates to that particular subject. because of that, I've lost a friend, he's not dead... what I mean is, were not exactly close anymore. Not even Ading and Adong..That's the thing that I lost. I regret doing what I did. I feel liek I want to go back in time, but it's no use, all I can do now, is stand up tall and move on. Forget the bad things that happened in the past and move forward. There's more to life than having a boyfriend at this age. There's soo much more. It's time for me to be my old - hyper - energetic - smiling - self. Be proud of me guys, I think I'm doing the right thing. I've learned to let go =)
Moving to another subject... Passion Play is in 5 days, we still need to practice. But everytime we have a practice, everyone goofs off..like FISHWOMAN! hahaha.. it was all laughs. I couldn't stop laughing when were suppose to be weeping. Well, I'll give you a list of the cast:
Jesus: William
Jebis/Fishwoman: Christian
Virgin Mary/ Maryz from the HOOD: Madison
Mary Magdalene/ Maryz from the HOOD: Me
Peter: Jun
Veronica: Thalia
Simon of Cyrene/MonkeyBoy: Raphael
Roman Soldiers: Justin, Mark, Daniel, James, and Joseph
Pontius Pilate: Matthew
Whipper: Brian
Weeping Women: All girls except Margarit and Patrice
Flower and hanky girls: Nikita and Tamar
Narrator/CurtainGirlz/Lightings: Margarit, Tamar, and Patrice
Music - You Raise Me Up: Megan
Produce by the Grade 8 class of 2005-2006.
Funny thing that happened...MonkeyBoy challenged FishWoman. hahaha.. that was hilarious! practice.practice.practice. That's what we need to do.
Moving on to another subject...
We're gonna have a water fight this year! It's gonna be AWESOME. Christian, I'm gonna get revenge for what you did to me Thursday- during lunch recess.. you soaked me with water, and I'm gonna get revenge. =)All of you that ganged up on me on Thursday, saying: "Kathrine, it's so hot outside, why don't you take a shower" and then all of you splashed me with water, thank goodness it was from a water bottle. tsk.tsk.
Another subject...
Volleyball against the teachers awaits the volleyball team, boys and girls. At this rate, the students might lose, since we havn't done any practicing for months. Hopefully we beat the teachers good. Speaking of sports, Track and field is coming up, hoping to win this year! Gotta try out for long jump and 100m relay for girls. Im not sure if I should run for any other event. =)
On to yett again...Another subject...
Graduation and Confirmation is coming soon. I can't wait to go to Playdium, and to Mandarin =) and hopefully to another trip! Well, it's going to be fun. oh yeah, speaking of celebrations, Stupid Mr. Comiskey said we might not have BBQ day this year. I mean what the hell, he could afford to organize a Bingo night this April, and have all foods free for all those coming and he can't afford to have our annual BBQ that everyone's anxiously waiting for. We want another Dunk Tank this year for BBQ, is that so much to ask? I don't think so. I have an advice for Mr. Comiskey...use the money wisely..were already paying for the BBQ! and congratz that you're finally moving to another school. What school will you torment next?
Okayz, kiddos.. I had fun writing all this stuff. It's time for me to go and I'll write in my journal fairly soon.
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| confused?!? |
[Saturday, March 25th, 2006
10:51am] |
| [ |
mood |
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confused?!? |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Aint no way - Chris Brown |
] |
Siighs..what's going on with my life. Everything I had hoped for to happen, didn't happen. I know my life doesn't stop when I don't get my way, but why did everything took a different turn. Flunk my C.A.T - meaning Im not cut out to be in the IB program, the guy I really like seems to not like me anymore and doesn't wish to be friends, I broke my good sister/brother/friend relationship with him, I'm not allowed to go to the Blue Man Group Concert... What's wrong with my life. At least I still have friends who have my back..aight guys? =)
Be back with this journal later =D
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| blahh... |
[Saturday, February 18th, 2006
4:13pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 soo tired... |
] |
OMG! first thing in the morning, and i have to do chores.. damn! had to do laundry, and my hand right now, looks like raisins..lolz. Well, at least I don't have to Iron the clothes tomorrow. Siighs.. Carnaval is over, not officially cause we haven't done Play Day yet.. Crepes last monday, was soo Damn good. got 2 crepes oveflowing with CHOCOLATE SYRUP! movie day, last tuesday was OK, we watched Guess Who. Its OK, but the thing that I hated the most on that day, was Tanya sitting really close to Justin. That Bitch! aarrggh.. She pissed me off, but guess what, I have to be nice to her. Everything is just pretend. Everyone is pretending to be friends with her, except for the RETARDS. Don't want to be mean or anything, but they pissed me off so badky. I wanna wring Tanya's neck, until she can't breathing. She better stop annoying us, or else she's gonna have it bad. Im sounding Devious. lolz. Well, Wednesday was a good day, you know why? Its because Tanya wasn't there! What I want Justin to do, is to reject her, I would liek to see her face all disappointed because she just got rejected. Personally, I wanna tell that to her, but Justin has to do it. Thursday, was boring, no one came to school - got force to - *waaaa.. the only people that came to school was- me, Justin, william, tamar, ralph, Jun, margarit, joseph, and some othr poeple. Well, friday was a bummer, no play day, and we had to endure an hour of French concert. Guess wo's singing, this 50 year old guy [i think] named Jacquot, which clearly, everyone calls Jack - off..lolz... well, it was boring and the kindergarten that I was taking care of, was taken by Christian, then I got another kid, but was taken by Thalia, then I got another kid taken again but by Tanya, then I took Brian's kid. lolz.. seems to me, the kids doesn't like me..oh well..
You know what frustrates me, is how justin acts towards me. He's being soo damn mean, that it annoys me so much. It's been affecting me so badly. I guess its because of him. Aaarrggh..fell like I wanna die.. right now..nah, just joking, I don't want to die yet, I still have my future ahead of me. What I'm curious to know, is howcome I feel so attached to Justin, while to the guys that I had a crushed - I was never feeling attached to them. What I mean is that Justin is like the first guy who I can't get over. I can't move on somehow. I'm curious to know why. It's bothering me. So I guess my eyes are locked on him. Wonder how he feels? lolz... why am i saying all this, when I'm the one who turned him down like 4 frickin' times last year! What am i gonna do with myself. I'm so stupid. DOnt' know what to do anymore. It feels liek he hates me. I'm still not sure, im in disbelief about what Trish told me a week ago. I cant believe that he would call me a BITCH. i just cant believe that, i can believe nikita saying that i'm a bitch, but justin saying that I don't believe. Well, he is getting meaner and meaner towards me. I guess he only wants to talk to me when he needs help with his homework. He owes me so much, I got my hands numb helping him, while he goes and play bball. I got my hands all sticky with glue, because of him, I help him so much and all he can do in return, was get mad at me. Let's say getting mad at me bcz i showed teh schedule to Thalia for Play Day and he was crazy looking for it. Him mimicking me in a very sarcastic way, that annoys me so much. that's all he can do in return. and he wouldn't even help me with my homework, when I needed it. everytime he asks for help, I cant seem to turn him down. I just gotta help him. That's how I am.
Well, I babbled too much for today. I'll scribble some more, whenever i can..
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| Sighs... |
[Saturday, January 21st, 2006
4:05pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 ... |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Can't Trust Myself |
] |
You know what, I just want to say "Screw this life of mine" but I can't just blurt it out, cause there's some things that did made me happy in this life of mine. I guess this is what some people call "Blissful Suffering." I think it basically means that, you suffer now, and later on in life you'll be granted with happiness. Works for me, but...my life now is so damn hard, that it's making you feel like you just want to sit down, and die.
All of the things that happen this past week, is ridiculous. Every information that I got, is what I think is outrageous. I mean, people don't have to go behind my back, people don't have to keep secrets, they could just tell it to me upfront. But guess not.
People asked me if I'm OK with the situation, of course I had said, I'm fine, that I'm OK. In truth, I'm lying, I want to tell the truth but I can't. It would only makes matter worse than before. So in my view, it's better to lie and keep everything hidden deep inside.
You said, I should just forget him, that I shouold move on. For the past 2 months, that's what I've been trying to do, but I can't. I can't shake off the feeling that I'm still in love with him. I want to tell him that, but I just couldn't get the courage to say that to him. Because I think that If I had said that to him, he'll be burden by the thought that someone out there, his ex-girlfriend is still loving him, so much. I don't want to make him suffer. He's already move on, and forgotten everything that went on between us, so by me telling him that, it would only make matter worse. So better not tell him. I'm just eternally grateful that he didn't approve of Tanya being his girlfriend. If he did accept then, I owuld be happy for him, but If something went wrong and his life became worse than before, SCREW TANYA! well, he's not going to accept because he has his study to do, and he's really busy to think of another person. Maybe in high school, he'll find another girl, that's better than me and that could really make him happy. I'm just happy that I got the chance with him, but it's really hard to shake that feeling. It's buried deep inside my heart, and it's really hard to forget.
I've been around him for a long time, and not hanging out with him, frustrates me. It's not what it use to be.When I try to talk to him, he talks to someone else. I pushed him away, but now I want him to stay!
DAMN IT'S SO HARD TO MOVE ON, AND FORGET AT THE SAME TIME, WHEN YOU SEE HIM EVERY SINGLE DAY! I STILL LOVE HIM AND THAT'S THE TRUTH. I'VE BEEN LYING TO MY FRIEND THAT I'M OKAY, IN TRUTH I'M NOT. SO I'M REALLY SORRY IF I LIED TO YOU. ITS JUST THAT I DON'T WANT PEOPLE TO SUFFER AND TO WORRY. HOPE YOU GUYS UNDERSTAND. =D
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| C.A.T over!! |
[Saturday, January 14th, 2006
2:36pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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whew... |
] |
Woot! Woot! Canadian Achievement tast is finally and officially OVER! Yay! I'm so glad and relieved that its over. All the stress is out now. Whew! Well, taking the test today was somewhat fun, because we all kinda raced during the lunch period who will finish their pizza first. Suprisingly Tamar did. She devoured 1 huge pizza, drank her coke and water. Man, she finished first, then me, then Justin - who ate like a chipmunk - and finally Margarit - who is apparently slower than Justin. Hahaha...
Waiting for Mr. Smith - IB Co-ordinator and some teacher staff to let us in the cafeteria- where the test is taking place, was so nerveracking. I mean I was supposed to wait for Tamar, Justin and Margarit, but got tired of waiting so, I just lined up in front of the cafeteria. I just saw them when we were allowed to get inside the cafeteria. I had to pull Margarit to the table that I picked so that we could all sit there. Then, Mr. Smith told us to find a seat, so Tamar and Justin, decided to go on one table were other kids are, so Margarit and I don't have any seat next to them, so we took another seat, that's all empty. Then, people at Justin's table were asked to move to another seat, and people who decided to seat beside me and margarit moved to Justin and Tamar's former seats. So, Tamar and Justin were looking for another seat and decided to seat next to me and Margarit. It was funny how Tamar left Justin sitting all alone with people he doesn' even know. Hahah... So all four us sat in one table!
First test - Language Part I
Break
Second test- Language Part II
Break
Third Test- Math
Lunch Break - PIZZA!!
Fourth test- Language Conventions [Grammar]
Fifth test- Computations
Dissmisal!
Suprisingly, Justin didn't complete all of his Language part I - I think - but then he tried harder and finished all his questions when we started the test. Margarit, of course finished well before the time is up, while me, Justin, and Tamar, are taking out time to answer the tests and go over them at least once. While Margarit goes over the questions TWIICE! Man, got stuck on some questions in math, because it was difficult..might as well say, challenging. The languages and computation, was pretty straightforward, and more or less pretty easy. I was capable to answer most of the questions and about 15 to like 25%. I pretty much guessed, well, let say i guessed hypothetically 20% on math, and 5% with the rests. Language doesnt need guessing, pretty staightforward and it's all about your logic and understanding of the question.
My biggest fear, right now, is getting my results back on mid-March. I have towait a whole freaking 2 months, to get my results back. I just hope, and wish that I passed and make it into IB, along with Justin (of course) and Margarit and Tamar. Won't be seeing them much though, but lets hope that all four of us have the same classes, well, logically not physEd, or arts/music. I might see Tamar and Margarit durin PhysEd but I won't see Justin, And I wont be seeing them during my art classes because they're all taking music! Well, we have approximately 6 classes together, there's a pretty good chance - if we passed-that were gonna be in the same class =D
So many things happened today, I'm exhausted, relieved, and happy. I'm not sad anymore, I'm coping with the fact, that he had moved on..and so did I...
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| Birthdays!! |
[Saturday, January 7th, 2006
4:35pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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happy =D |
] |
Belated Happy Birthdays!!
Ashley, Tito Ame, and Ninong Phoy =D
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| Yeah.... |
[Saturday, January 7th, 2006
4:13pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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ecstatic |
] |
Yupp...today's the 7th day of the new year...2006 =D Well, School's just around the corner, well to exact monday and what day is it? It's currently SATURDAY! Can you believe how fast time flies. Siighs... Here goes the continuation of my school year. Need to start FRESH! Leave the Old, Bring in the NEW. Lol.
Still -- don't have internet, what a bummer! I'm getting frustrated with all this waiting, YET I have to be patient if not, then who knows what my parents will decide. Hmmm...Gotta be PATIENT! =D Red Maple again this year, going to try and read all books, hopefully I can, since I saw the books already - DAMN there thicker than last year's books. Guessing that Mr.I is going to give us Book Reports now, like what we did in Gr.6, that's what made people read their books a lot more quicker. heh..
Hhhmmm...seems that things are going to be OK from now on, no one's mad at one another - in my opinion - hopefully it will be a good year for me. It IS going to be a good year, because I'm graduating this year, and I'm hoping to get into this pretigious, and rigorous program in highschool. In highschool, I probably won't be seeing anyone in my class if I do make it into this program - I'll be like a loner - Well, I might see some but not guaranteed I'll see them. I'm sure that if I pass and the 3 other people who applied for this program, got accepted, then it's likely that I see those 3. But friends who'll take regular programs, meaning academic/applied, or go to another highschool, it's likely I won't be seeing them. But people who pass into that program, there's probably about 6 class that I might see them, But you'll never know, my timetable/schedule could be different from theirs. Keep in mind there's the cafeteria, during lunch, if my friends have the same lunch period as me, then we could see each other, but its unusual for that to happen, all of us will be in different lunch periods. Highschool. A world different frome elementary, a world COMPLETELY and ENTIRELY different from what you anticipated. You'll make friends, alot more than your friends in your elemenary school, you'll have way more classes, you'll meet better teachers or worse teachers or you could say strict teachers than your elementary school. Yuo'll be able to do a lot more in highschool, but those are the 4 years, you'll be apart from your friends that you got used to during your elementary years. If your lucky enough, you might have them in teh same class as you, but it's most likely that you'll be hanging out with other people. So, that's when things fall apart...
During your highschool years, your old friends will SEEM to drift away from you, as you meet other youngins' like yourselves. But there's no need to worry about drifting away from your old friends, just keep in contact them. That's the best way so that you wouldn't drift away from you friends.
Hmmm...are my words PROFOUND?!? lolz. I guess it wouldn't matter if it were profound or not, what matters is what I just said. Because I know that this girl would not want to drift away from her closest friends - NOT EVER! and by the way, you guys know who my closest friends are! If you don't know, try and figure it out, You're smart enough, and ver capable of solving it. heh..=D
I'll be Off now, because I'm going to try and study for my C.A.T test next week, don't know HOW to study, but I know WHAT to study. Hopefully I'll pass. Wish me Luck!
TOODLES!
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| NEW YEAR'S EVE!! |
[Saturday, December 31st, 2005
11:47am] |
| [ |
mood |
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=D |
] |
It's New Year's Eve and tomorrow is January 1st! Forget the past, put it all behind you and look to the upcoming year, clear in mind and free of all the burden and suffering. oohh... soo profound! ahaha..oh well, this is what I should say: "OUT with the OLD,IN with the NEW..." =D People should be happy 2006 is here. So many has happen the past year that I don't want to forget, but I guess it's time to let them all go. Except for the happy times =D well, be back here probably soon... When I get the chance...
Happy New Year to All!!
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| ..Sighs |
[Friday, December 30th, 2005
4:04pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 bored!! |
] |
Tomorrow's New Year's Eve and I'm so DAMNED bored. I read a manga book yesterday and one of the characters said "It's inevitble that I would fall in love with her..." I thought that was sweet. I just hope I could say that too, I mean just change her to him so it will be like - "It's inevitable that I would fall in love with him.." haha..
Each passing night, I grew more and more restless. I don't want to do anything, and I can't even sleep the way I use to anymore. Twist and turn, nothing will do, I'm so wide awake during these cold winter nights. I don't know what's wrong with me, physically - there's nothing wrong, because clearly I'm still short in this BIG world of ours. Mentally - I certainly don't have any problems mentally, I'm not stupid and I'm not mental too. Well, tried to not eat sugar [chocolate and ice cream] late at night, but I still couldn't fall asleep. Even music can't make me go to sleep. My body feels so tired and I'm exhausted but I seem to not want to sleep. It's so weird and my wish every night, is to be able to freaking SLEEP for at least 8 HOURS - not 4 or less than 7 hours! =D
*siighs...is it just me or what? I've been wanting to go online to be able to talk to my friends, but DAMN everytime I go online, they're not even there. Seems to me they're avoiding me for some reason. i could see why HE'S not online nowadays. Reasons - 1st: math class and piano lesson - 2nd: his parents told him to not spend all of his time on MSN 3rd: He doesn't want to talk to me because he feels somewhat uncomfortable 4th: he told me before that since I lost my internet, there'll be no point in going online everyday so he told me he'll be online but not often. Hmm..that's a whole lot of reason [even though i wrote only 4] *hehe Well, I clearly don't understand why the others aren't online. I guess they don't feel like going online anymore and that they have better things to do than talk on MSN. Hmm..oh wellz, I'll deal with this, its not exactly a MAJOR issue =D
There's about a week left of Christmas vacation, and school's finally here. My CAT test [Canadian Achievement Test] is on January 14 and I'm sort of freaking out, because obviously I don't want to fail. The word FAIL isn't exactly on my list of vocabulary. Hopefully I will pass. If I don't, then that means goodbye pre-IB. I won't get into the program I wanted to go to! I want to go to pre- IB because it prepares student for their 2 years of IB which prepares you for University and IB is a world known program, and those who manage to graduate in IB will be sought out by Universities all over the world. That's what I know. Also, because Justin is going there too and I want to see if I could beat my sister in that CAT test. Of course I know that I will try my very best and give it all I got! =D
By the way, I read this comic on a book, its says: Why don't we laugh the way we use to? said the girl. The guy responded and said: Because you said you wanted a serious relationship.
I just thought it was hilarious! ahaha..
I guess i better leave this thing for now. I'll probably be back on the 3rd of January =D
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| new year on sunday! |
[Wednesday, December 28th, 2005
3:05pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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blahh |
] |
Christmas has passed, not really but got presents, and got some really neat stuff, especially from Tita Lovelyn and Tita Aileen! Got like TONS I mean, more than usual chocolates. It's gonna rot my teeth, oh wells, there like good chocolate. Well, finally got the chance to go online once again, got good news. *woot*woot Heard my daddy talking to my mom about internet, and I eavesdrop *shhh so I think I'm getting my internet back. But I know my dad, there's always a catch, I would hypothetically guess that the catch is: no playing games, no chatting on MSN -- only use the internet for good reasons, such as reseach for school. lolz..Do you actually believe that I'm going to use the internet for research only. C'mon of course it's bad to go behind my parents back, but it's very temptimg, so I might, possibly go on MSN while my parents are at work or else late at night. Aren't I devious? haha. I got some reasons so that I could go to the internet -- my cousin's online, need to do research [eventhough I don't have to], and my sister told me to check omething for her, checking email, and etc.
Hmm.. I don't expect to talk to this particular person for a long time, I didn't even anticipated on talking to him this winter break. But to my surprise, he started talking to me. But I knew it all along that we would have nothing to talk about and that my time right now is limited to an hour. So didn't expect to talk long. I'm using the word expect to much, that's unbelievable. haha. Well, I am expecting to see three people online, but guess the two aren't, only one. No one goes online anymore, somehow, MSN feels so deserted and abandoned. I guess some people have better place to be, or they have a better way communicating with other people. I shouldn't expect this person to talk to me anymore, well, I expect the other to talk to me since we haven't talk for like a long time. I shouldn't get my hopes up =D
Well, something's bothering me and i don't know what it is. I can't sleep at night anymore. I've been waking up in the middle of the night, maybe because I just ate coffee ice cream, but I only did that last night. The other nights I havn't been eating sweets or ice crea late at night. But I still couldn't sleep properly. I turn and roll around my bed, covered my face with my pillow no matter what I do, I can't sleep. I would just be lying there staring at the ceiling, sometimes listening to my sister's quiet snoring. I kept on asking myself what could it be that making me stay awake all night, and when I do get some sleep, 4 hours later my sister would be waking me up cause it's morning already. Sometimes, just before I sleep, my heart start to race on, and I don't know why. I started having visions of my past memories - memories that made me happy just awhile back. Like the time I spent with my hypermentalz and my other friends and of course HIM! I couldn't forget about him. I've been having flashbacks everynight about mostly him. Maybe it's because of those flashbacks that I couldn't sleep.
I'll continue writing soon. When I have time =D
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| CHRISTMAS EVE! |
[Saturday, December 24th, 2005
11:04am] |
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mood |
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blahh |
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music |
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Crushed -- Rosette |
] |
To all my friends out there: "Merry Christmas and A Happy New Year!"
To my LOLA: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
I have a new cousin and a godmother! =O yay! To my new cousin, ANGEL..merry christmas!
Haven't been writing much on this.. but whenever I have time, I just had to write something in here.Well, christmas tomorow, not gonna see my friends for a whole 2 weeks and maybe on the 8th, were gonna hang out in the MALL! well, LASERQUEST last thursday -- 22nd -- it was fun..eventhough i suck at it..lolz.=D POTLUCK yesterday at school, DAMN food was good! got really F-U-L-L... lolz..watched a movie, played with popcorns, got my kriss kringle gift..got a TON of chocolate and a stuff animal tht looks like eeyore but with a tail! ahaha...teh Tableaux was fun too, it was difficult to keep a staight face infront of everyone else, but we did good! lolz..i kinda bitchslap TANYA! lolz..its part of the tableaux..
hmm...what else should I write..im justt bored, so decided to go to the library! [=
hmm..finally letting go..[i think] im not sure if i am, but its just hard to. But I thiink its best to just let go and move on.. if i dont, then im stupid.. lolz..im keeping the distant, eventhough its hard for me. Trying to not get close to you, trying to let go, trying to not talk to you, I know its hard for me, but its what I have to do, to somehow make things right. you feel uncomfortable whenever im around, its like your not yourself, and its awkward for me to be around you, so decided for myself to stop the temptation of talking to you, being around you. Sort of hard, eh? If that's what I have to do, then I'll do it. HEH! ill somehow get over it, and continue with my life. Got use to being around you everyday, talking to you nonstop, hanging out all day, guess I have to stop thinking that things will be the same, cause clearly, its not the same as before. That's OK, i'll live, i'll survive, somehow.. =D sometimes forcing myself to smile infront of other people when your around, trying to make you think im just doing fine, that nothing in this world is wrong. But deep inside, I don't know what to do, and my heart is tearing into two separate pieces. People alwayz say before, that me and you are inseperable, no matter where I am, your there, no matter were you are, Im there, it's like were each other's shadow, following one another and being ourselves and having fun. But now, that bond is broken, and now, were seperable. Things will never be back, its not EVER gonna be the same. NOTHING WILL EVER BE THE SAME. hopefully after new year, good things will happen to me, hoping, just hoping. Before my only wish for christmas is you, but that's never gonna happen. YOU'RE still my wish for christmas..=D
lolz...kathleen..you think I email you long ass emails, heh...yea it is pretty long..you cnt beat me in writing long ass emails! =D someone can, i think...u havnt written to me tht i consider a "long ass email" well, merry christmas..nd I miss you twinny! =D talk to ya latr twinny!
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL and A HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU!
Writing on this, probably on wednesday..again =D
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| Report Cards |
[Tuesday, November 29th, 2005
5:45pm] |
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mood |
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relieved |
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music |
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Say Goodbye -- Chris Brown |
] |
Got my report card! I'm so happy that I made it in the Honor Rolls. Oh My God! My average in total is 84! My highest is 91 in Math (measurment) and my lowest is 78 in reading. Pretty low :( Oh well, still made it on the top =) Hmmmm..recieve a trip form, it's for LASER QUEST! It's unbelievable how Mr.Comiskey permitted my class to go to Laser Quest. We told him, it's E.D.U.C.A.T.I.O.N.A.L because we learn about optics and lasers which is necessary for our Unit. Oh my God! It's gonna be so Fun on December 16th! By the way, today we made up our own 12 Days of Christmas Song, I forgot some of the lines but here are the rets:
12 Areo Bars
11 Ipod minis
10 hummer cars
9 manga books
8 yellow llamas
7 plasma tv
6 ----
5 army pants
4 Gibson Guitars
3 ----
2 pairs of shoes
1 ----
Ahaha, aren't they funny! Oh my god! Making lyrics are the funniest thing, especially when you're making it with your friends and when you're not making a very personal lyric. A friend of mine, their group did a MSN version, I forgot how it goes but there's like something BRBz, something LOLZ, and TTYLz. I'm cracking myself up!
We watched my classmates video the remake of a scene from our Crossroad story -- No matter What. It was hilarius, especially the fighting Scene. They made it so gaylie and it's hilarious. It's like in sloww- mo. OMG! I want to see it again. It just makes me laugh. My group practiced our play today, a scene from the same story. I'm supposed to be the sister, named Megan, and there's a scene I just can't do. I can do it, but I'm just having difficulties because I have to sound angry but I don't get angry often, so while we're practicing, I would always smile or start to laugh everytime I'm gonna read the angry line. I just start cracking up. My group members are like laughing but at the same time their getting frustrated because I just can't get it right. The tone of my voice isn't right for the line, so I have to adjust my voice and tone. I'll do good, I hope during the actual play infront of the class, on Thursday!
Me and him finally talked! yay! But it's not what I entirely call a decent conversation between old friends that never stated quiet while they hang out before. At least I got to talk to him, better than him not talking to me. =) I'm still glad.
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| blahh.. |
[Monday, November 28th, 2005
7:41pm] |
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mood |
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 lonely |
] |
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music |
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Moving On -- Toya |
] |
I'm sitting here, infront of this computer, alone by myself..reminiscing. It's good to think about the good things that happen in the past, it can bring smiles but on the other hand, remembering things that you can't seem to forget can bring that smile upside down. It isn't right.
I'm hoping, hoping that you would say at least one single word to me, but I guess you don't want to. It's hopeless to wait for something that you know just can't come true. I found that hard, I think the hard way. Been listening to all this kind of slow songs, and it's giving me tears. Tears that fall, are like the rain falling from the sky. hahah, the sky is crying with me. It's like my tears have been transferred to rain drops falling from the sky. Been talking to myself, sound so stupiid, eh? but I guess it's better than to wait for that person to speak to me. It's driving me insane, whenever you're not around, whenever you're not talking to me. I always look your way, trying to see if your looking at me too. But everytime I look or go your way, you always ignore me or avoid me. Been trying to cope with it, to not breakdown in tears and show how weak i am so that people would feel sorry for me. I don't want that, that's why, I'm here everyday, hiding all my emotions inside, trying to not let them escape. Pretend to smile, not let other people see through this playful act of mine. But true friends know when you're down, when you're pretending, it's like instinct. I can't hide it from my friends because they know for sure what's wrong with me.
I tried to move on but you're not gone
Cuz in my heart you still live on
See now I know why
I'll never love another for the rest of my life
And why
Now that you're gone I'm holdin' on
And deep in my heart
I wanna move on
And now I know why
I'll never love another for the rest of my life
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| Continuation... |
[Saturday, November 26th, 2005
8:05pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 siighs.. |
] |
I'm back, again. Been fixing up my journal, making it look good. Loving the layout ;) I'm feeling quite OK now. I wrote everything that's been bothering, not exactly everything because there's still alot going on. Quite unsure of what to do next. I was just talking to the guy that I never thought I would talk to for a long time. It's my ex-boyfriend, my first boyfriend, it's none other than Jason Maano. I talked to him on MSN, he asked me about Justin. He asked if me and Justin are still going out. I replied with a No, because that was the truth. I asked him if he was going out with someone, he responded with a No as well. We didn't talk like we used to. Probably lost interest in talking to each othre because he was on a party and I was of course busy doing all sorts of things on the net -- fixing my Zuup, and talking to people. He suddenly went on mobile and that was the end of our talk.
Talk to Nikita for about 2 minutes on MSN, she told me she got my necklace and bracelet back. I was happy, I just hoped that he would return it to me, but I guess Nikita and Justin, made a deal that SHE will return it to me, not him. I was happy nonetheless for getting it back, but it doesnt have any meaning now, since he's not giving it to me, Nikita's giving it to me. I just hoped it would mean that he loves me again. Hoping 'till the end of time =]
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| Very pretty - ful |
[Saturday, November 26th, 2005
4:23pm] |
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mood |
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drained |
] |
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music |
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So Sick -- NeYo |
] |
Loving this anime angel layout! It's soo pretty ;) awww..I just love the saying on top. It's soo cuuute. As in really, ahaha..=)
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| Siighs... |
[Friday, November 25th, 2005
8:39pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 siighs.. |
] |
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music |
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What hurts the most -- Monica |
] |
It seems that everything wouldn't be the same anymore. Everytime I try to be near you once again, like before, you would always turn your back on me, and walk away. You promised me that things would still be the same after that fateful day. I questioned myself what did I do wrong for you to ignore me like this. For the past week, tried to keep my distance because from what I can see, that's what you desire. But I just can't, I just need you to be around. I keep on wondering if you hate me now, if you dislike me now. I try not to follow you, not to talk to you, not even a single word. I watch you from afar and I see you laugh and giggle and even smile when your with other people. But from what I see, is that everytime I'm around, you're always acting seriuos and it's making me feel like you don't want to be near me, ever again. I was always hurt when I see you smile at someone else, I hated the days when you don't talk to me, it's never like before. Trying to let go of you, but it seems that I just can't. I've been struggling to forget, but you're always there. I pretend that everything's alright with me, when I'm around you I try to act the same, I pretend that the past was forgotten and I'm back to my old self -- being your friend. You told me once that even though were not together, it's still going to be the same, except with no holding hands and kissing. I tried to accept that, that's what you want now, and I did. But the thing is, it's not the same. In the past, we were always hanging out, talking non-stop, and I just want the old times back. We would always laugh, smile, and do all sort of things. Take pictures and laugh at it afterwards. Do some embarrasing things that we wouldn't tell people. You would always tell me your secrets first, you would always tell me before anyone else. I miss those days, and I want them back so badly. I disappointed you so many times the past year, and now that I've seen the mistake that I did before, it's too late. You've moved on. I regretted everything I did, I shouldn't have hurt you. You told me that you were deeply hurt and now I guess it's your time to take revenge for what I did. I wouldn't exactly call it revenge, more like your making me feel the pain you felt when I disappointed you. A friend asked me; When are you and him going to like each other at the same time, because He liked you first, he always talks about you, and now you like him, and you always talk about him. Can't you like him when he likes you back? Isn't that a great question..
On monday, the 28th of November was supposedly our first month, but not anymore. I wonder what will happen on that day. Just yesterday, 24th of november -- he asked me to return the gifts he gave me. I tried to return the bracelet before, but he wanted me to keep it for rememrance. But since he asked for it back, I guess he doesn't want me to remember it anymore. I returned it to him with an expressionless face. Not wanting him to see the sadness in my eyes, the loneliness I'm feeling deep inside. My heart has been scarred and shattered. He's the one that actually completed me, but now I'm left with a broken heart, full of emptiness and loneliness. Wishing you would come back to me and mend this heart of mine. Now that it's winter, my hands are usually freezing cold when it's cold outside. I'm wishing for you to hold my hand and keep them warm. I need someone to comfort me during these cold, winter nights. Brrr... Now that I think it's over, it's best to just let go. Let go of every memory, let go of the feelings I have for you. Since you make it seem that you're over it, I should be over you too. You had moved on and left the past behind. You turn towards the future, with only studies in mind, not even me on your mind. I'm willing to finally accept your decisions to distance yourself from me, but the consequence is for me to have this longing for you, to have loneliness, to have this bleeding heart to just keep on bleeding -- to not be mended.
For now all I can do to help stop the bleeding is to think about you, the memories we made, the memories we shared, the things we talked about, look at the pictures we took, the pictures that I took of you, and read the message history of us talking on MSN. That's all I can do now to keep the sadness away. But what happen is the total opposite, I begin to be sad because I remember those days.At least I'm happy that I got to be with him, even though it's just for a week and 2 days. =) I have mixed emotions right now -- happy that I got to be with you, sad because I don't get to be with you, frustrated because you won't talk to me, excited because we're going to get our report cards next week, and an emotion that's indescribable, probably because I'm longing for you. All these emotions rushing inside of me, don't even know what I'm exactly feeling. All I can say is that it's INDESCRIBABLE! It's because I'm missing you. YOU! Mahal na Mahal parin Kita. Ikaw lang ang para sa akin. Wala nang iba ang gugustuhin na makasama at makapiling.
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| Volleyball Tournament! |
[Monday, November 21st, 2005
8:52pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 OMG! |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Missing Me -- RJ Helton |
] |
OMG! i haven't written in this thing for soo long :O. Well, today was the boys volleyball tournament, they went 3rd place. OMG! tomorrow is our tournament. It's sooo nerve racking! Im practically shaking iight now =0 oh wellz, better do good, 2mrw, or else imma bring the whole team down. Cant let tht happn =D Be bakk on this thing..im sleep, need my sleep, for 2mrw!
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[Wednesday, November 16th, 2005
6:39pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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apathetic |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Badd Habit -- Destiny's Child |
] |
If
With every night I lie awake,
With each day we grow apart.
Is there a promise we can’t break?
We never learn from our mistakes,
Since the very start…
You and I can’t hold on, we’re losing track,
Is there a road that can take us back?
And how can we forget everything we did,
How can you forget what we believed?
If I can’t have you,
And if your love has gone,
If you had to leave,
Leave me, and take my life forever.
Because I don’t want to be with anybody else
But you, baby.
If I can’t have you…
With every memory of you,
Flashing in my dreams,
A moment lost in time
Chances have passed us by,
Lost the strength to try
I know your love was never mine,
Never mine to keep.
You and I can’t hold on, we’re losing track,
Is there a road that can take us back?
And how can we forget everything we did,
How can you forget what we believed?
If I can’t have you,
And if your love has gone,
If you had to leave,
Leave me, and take my life forever.
Because I don’t want to be with anybody else
But you, baby.
If I can’t have you…
Don’t want to look back
Because it’ll bring back every piece of memory,
That was forgotten.
Thinking of tomorrow,
It feels so wrong without you,
Without you by my side, baby…
Because, I could never be with anyone else…
You and I can’t hold on, we’re losing track,
Is there a road that can take us back?
And how can we forget everything we did,
How can you forget what we believed?
If I can’t have you,
And if your love has gone,
If you had to leave,
Leave me, and take my life forever.
Because I don’t want to be with anybody else
But you, baby.
If I can’t have you…
Baby, baby
If I can’t have you,
I’ll be lonely through the night.
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shawttii3's journal
shawttii3